Top 35 George Carlin Quotes

Here we have the best George Carlin Quotes. Find the perfect quotation from our collection.

'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the Engli
‘I am’ is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that ‘I do’ is the longest sentence?

George Carlin
Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.

George Carlin
I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer‘s disease where they slowly began to recover other people’s lost memories.

George Carlin
What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?

George Carlin
When you’re born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you’re born in America, you get a front row seat.

George Carlin
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don’t have as many people who believe it.

George Carlin
I’m completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.

George Carlin
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me – they’re cramming for their final exam.

George Carlin
Always do whatever‘s next.

George Carlin
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, ‘Where’s the self-help section?’ She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

George Carlin
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

George Carlin
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

George Carlin
The reason I talk to myself is that I’m the only one whose answers I accept.

George Carlin
By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

George Carlin
The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.

George Carlin
The status quo sucks.

George Carlin
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

George Carlin
Think off-center.

George Carlin
You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.

George Carlin
I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.

George Carlin
Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that.

George Carlin
People who say they don’t care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don’t care what people think.

George Carlin
Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

George Carlin
When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot‘s hands.

George Carlin
Religion is just mind control.

George Carlin
There’s no present. There’s only the immediate future and the recent past.

George Carlin
If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

George Carlin
Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.

George Carlin
You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.

George Carlin
I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven‘t tried that for a while. Maybe this time it’ll work.

George Carlin
Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

George Carlin
In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

George Carlin
If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.

George Carlin
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.

George Carlin
If we could just find out who’s in charge, we could kill him.

George Carlin